stealing for profit
by bill560682
Summary: right after the boys got busted for stealing from the charity. disclaimer i do not own home improvement or the people on the show.


right after brad and randy got busted for stealing from the kids charity.

in the boys room.

"well so much for making money threw charity. now we have to not only give the money back, we also have to admit what we did to the kids we ripped off plus we got 6 weeks grounding." stated a very sad brad.

"the real problem was we were ripping off people we knew an they ended up ratting to mom and dad. we need to find people who will not be able to rat us out." said randy.

"are you crazy? we just got grounded for 6 weeks an you want to start a new plan to rip people off? i mean at least with the charity it was not like we were REALLY stealing but just getting payed to do a job, namely help them raise money. you sound as if you want us to break into houses and rob people." protested brad who was thinking his brother had finally lost it.

"ah your right, if we got caught by the cops it would be a lot worse then grounding." responded randy. 'well i guess he is out of the plan then' thought randy to himself.

two days later in the same room while brad had to stay after school.

"well, good with brad stuck at school in detention i can work on my plans. first find places people use a lot of cash and a kid will go un-noticed. such as sports events in the food lines. this way not only do they show me how much money they have but were they keep it as well. also their hands will be full from just getting all their food. ah, the movies at the consetion counter as well. an with those they will be at least an hour or two before they even know they got robbed. a kids fun zone would work as well since the parents have to bring cash for the kids to buy tokens for the games. if i do this right a could get 1,000 dollars a day or more, 5 days a week and 50 weeks a year would be 250,000 a year. an since mom drags everyone to church every week i could pick up an easy 20 or 30 bucks from the collection plate by putting a dollar in and palming some money as i pull my hand out, an by doing that i keep up an image of THE GOOD SON giving away what little money i have. heck, 250,000 dollars is likely twice what dad makes a year and no taxes. if i could pull this off for the next 10 years or so i could retire since for the next 10 years or so i have no bills to pay." stated randy to himself.

randy then sat and thought about HOW he could pick someones pocket without getting caught. then it came to him, the bells brad had wanted to put all over his peter pan outfit. if he put them on a pair of pants and shirt he could test himself. if he could pick the pocket without ringing the bells at least 30 times in a row he should be ready.

it took randy the whole 6 weeks of grounding to get even close to his goal due to the fact brad was not in on the new plans due to his morals so randy had to sneak in practice when ever he could. lucky for him it was the start of preseason for the tigers so brad was glued to the t.v. every game. an the ones that were on while they were at school got taped to watch later.

randy had worked out a plan to pick a group to pretend to be a part of so he could yell to 'dad' about needing to get more napkins or something an thereby 'accidently' bump into someone while distracked. he also had to make sure to only hit one or two targets at each location to limit being seen at the scenes of the crimes incase of video tapes. he could also use his 'family' as a distraction in his getaway. he just needed to pretent to be sent out to the car to get something and could even ask one of the people working there to watch his pizza so his 'sister or brother' did not eat it. also creating a fake broken arm could help out big time as his real arm would do the picking from under the cover of a jacket an all he would need is a sling and a fake halloween arm. the main thing thou was to only hit each place once in a 3 or 4 month span to prevent himself from being remembered due to the fact as many people come threw a place like a movie theater 3 months SHOULD be more then enough time for them to forget his face. lucky for him they had a little thing called a phone book he could use to target whatever spot he wanted. he also had to make sure he stayed within his allowance when spending or that would send up red flags for miles around an get him busted in a heart beat by his brothers or worse his parents. an if he got busted by his brothers he would need a lie that would be believable but also not get them to rat him out to mom or dad so no spending the money. an of course brad MIGHT be able to be bought off if he came up with a good enough story as to were the money came from but mark would rat him out in a second.

the day of truth was here. the day to try and put all his hard work to the test. randy now found himself at a tigers game. he had bought the cheapest ticket they had bleacher seat in the nose bleed section for 10 dollars. within 20 minutes of entering the park randy was on his way out again 497 dollars richer. it had been a rather simple job he went over by the food court with a group of three boys his age and the guy who was with them he had met when entering the park. he hung out with them in line and was watching for a target while chatting with the boys and once he had picked his target made it look as thou the boy he was with had shoved him causing him to bump into his target as the man left with his arms full of food. he said how he was sorry and that it was the other guys fault. which is of course what any kid will tell you. he stayed and chatted with the boys he had met for 5 more minutes then he headed for the bathroom. 10 minutes later he was back in line waiting complaining how his brothers had not gotten him anything to eat or drink because they were buttheads and he had to go to the bathroom. within 3 minutes he had target number two picked out and cleaned out an as a result was nearly 2/5 of the way to his personal goal of 1,000 dollars a day. a quick stop by a movie theater on the way home had randy up to 724 dollars for the day. it was not the thousand dollars he had hoped for but seeing as he had left the house with 20 dollars and now had 704 more even after paying for his tigers ticket and movie ticket plus bus fares it was a good days work in his mind. even if he COULD get a job at his age making $3.50 an hour he would need to work a 20 hour day to make as much money as he had in 3 hours today, an most of that time was spent on the bus riding to and from the jobs. now the main thing to do was not to get greedy and as a result pick to many targets at the same place such as a baseball game. you pick 2 or 3 targets at most an take your winnings and leave. at the end of the day it does not matter if you got 3,000 dollars or only 30 dollars as long as you did not get sent to jail then it was a good day. the best times to hit a mark are as they are leaving the food court with their arms loaded down with food and thereby will be less likely to need to use the wallet you lifted for an hour or more. such as the movies if the mark has just come in and is getting popcorn and drinks, once they buy the food they have already payed for what they want and will be busy watching the movie for the next 2 hours so you are long gone. you can also hang out by the womens bathroom watching the food counter for the right mark at the food counter pretending to wait for your sister.

due to randy's age which meant he did not drive meant he did end up spending a lot of time riding on buses. randy started by picking the places furthest from his home that way if someone thought it was a local pick pocket they would start with known pick pockets near the scene of the crime not an hour bus ride away. an who would be dumb enough to take a bus to and from a crime scene anyway.

randy had to pick up on the number of targets he hit. as in the number of locations so he did not break his own rules about the number of targets picked at one location. in the end randy started saving the far off jobs for weekends so he would have more time for travel but did start hitting his goal of a 1,000 dollars a day on most days. the main problem with this thou was brad. randy had to claim to be freinds with a guy he KNEW brad hated to be able to ditch brad often enough and for long enough to do his job but in the end it payed off big time as in lots of money.

12 years later randy has just turned 23 and has his own place. when mark decides to stop by for a chat.

"hay randy, how's it going?" asks mark.

"just fine, so what do you want?" questions randy knowing his brothers are not the just stopped by for nothing type.

"well, i was wondering how you could afford a place this nice?" inquired mark since randy's new place was in a upscale high rise with a door man and all the best things.

"hi honey, back from the gym already? oh who is this?" questioned the person who just walked in on mark and randy.

"hi sweety, this is my brother mark, mark this is my boyfreind bill." responded randy who till this moment had never told anyone in his family he was gay.

"boyfreind? as in? boyfreind boyfreind? " inquired a very shocked mark since he never had a clue his brother liked guys.

"yes mark i am his boyfreind boyfreind as in kissing, dating and even sex." retorted bill who was enjoying mark's not being able to understand such a simple idea.

"so... i guess HE is the reason you can afford such a great place then?" asked mark thinking he had finally put 2 +2 together to get 4.

"no. randy in fact picked this place out himself. an WE have a lease on it for a year to decide if we want to buy it or not. an as far as randy being my little sex toy for money you are totally wrong. randy has his own money thank you very much." stated bill who got THE LOOK from randy that said shut the hell up NOW.

"oh, what are you worried about randy? he will find out sooner or later. you are going to be a published author after all, an from what i have heard about him he is not brad, he CAN in fact read." responded bill to randy's look.

"o.k. fine tell him then. i am going to get a drink." stated randy as he went to the bar to grab a soda.

"so.. as i said your brother is going to be a published author. the book is called my life as a pick pocket a true story." said bill to a shocked mark.

"so... you mean randy found a pick pocket and got him to spill his guts? this is great." responded mark.

"nnnooo... randy IS the pick pocket. it is an account of randy's ten years as a pick pocket." responded bill.

"BUT... that would mean..." is as far as mark's brain could get.

"it would mean, randy started as a pick pocket at age 11 and had a ten year career before giving up the business. an now that enough time has passed so that the cops can not bust him he is writting a book and has 3 offers so far the best being a million dollars up front plus 10% of the profits from the book sales." said bill who was enjoying mark's totally shocked look.

"but, but, but HE'S randy the good son! he helps out at soup kitchens." sputtered mark.

"yes, personally i thought that was a great touch myself. who would EVER think he was one of if not the greatest pick pocket around? your brother made over 3.5 million in ten years and never got caught." responded bill with a smerk.

"this has got to be some kind of joke, right?" asked mark practicly begging randy to say trick or treat or something.

at this point randy got up and went into the other room and came back with his latest bank statment and handed it to mark.

mark could not believe his eyes this statement said randy had $3,597,418.23 poor mark was in shock he was holding proof his brother was a thief.

"well, since i know you are going to run home to tell mom and dad may as well not keep them waiting." stated randy as he took his bank statement from mark and helped walk him to the door.

"well, we knew this would happen sooner or later once you decided to write a book about your life. so the big question is are you ready to face your family now that they know about your past?" questioned bill hoping randy's answer would be yes but no matter the answer he would stand beside randy till the end.

"well, since my publisher will likely want me to go on book signing tours then i see little choice but to be ready." replied randy.

2 hours after helping mark leave there was a loud banging on the apartment door.

"i do think mommy and daddy have finally gotten here." states bill to randy as randy gets up to answer the door.

within seconds of randy answering the door came a storming tim and jill taylor into the livingroom.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU BEING A NO GOOD LITTLE THIEF?" yelled tim to randy who did not even flintch.

"I WOULD ADVISE YOU KEEP YOU VOICE DOWN AND YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF MR. TAYLOR, OTHERWISE I MAY HAVE TO HAVE YOUR ASS THROWN IN JAIL SINCE I DO NOT RECALL RANDY INVITING YOU IN." yelled bill to tim in just as much of a threatening manner as tim himself had used.

"an who the hell are you to tell me what to do and how i can or can not talk to my son?" questioned tim to the stranger.

"i would happen to be the man who leases this apartment along with your son and i also am your son's boyfreind. i also happen to be rich and thereby have very good lawyers." responded bill to tim who was in shock about being thrown off his rant.

"i think i can handle them bill." stated randy thou he was happy to have someone standing up for him.

"oh i know you can, but i just want to make sure mommy and daddy here know this IS NOT their house and thereby their rules. at best they are guests and should act like it." retorted bill who was glad randy was sure he had no need for backup. thou bill could see it in randy's eyes he was glad for the backup even if it was not needed.

"now you were saying?" asked randy now looking at his parents.

"what is this we hear about you being a thief for the last ten years?" spit out jill before her husband could in hopes of getting answers and not jail time for breaking and entering.

"well, if you are going to make claimes at least make them right. i WAS a pick pocket from age 11 until 2 years ago. i am now retired from that line of work." responded randy who could see all the emotions crossing his parents faces.

"whatever, timelines do not matter. you DO admit to spending ten years as a thief?" started tim trying to pick up were he left off.

"of course i do, an i am proud of the work i did. ten years and never even one arrest." responded randy who could see his parents were crushed by this news because until they heard it from randy himself there was a chance it was not true.

"were did we go wrong?" questioned jill of her middle son.

"well, maybe you should not have forced brad and i to go collecting for charity? seeing as that was when my life of crime really started. you see i figured out what got us busted was the fact we knew the people we were ripping off. of course we did not see it as ripping anyone off but just getting payed to do a job, namely raise money for the charity. now AFTER that was when my life of crime really started. i had 6 weeks of being grounded to come up with a better way to get free money. so i started by making a list of places people use cash and not credit cards such as baseball games and fun land kids zone and movie theaters. then all i needed was to practice picking a pocket till i was good enough not to set off the bells i placed on the clothes i was using as practice and then come up with small cover stories to use during the job an now i am the best pick pocket in the state as far as i know." proudly stated randy while giving a breif history.

"but how?" was as much as jill could get out.

"how as in how was i able to pull it off? that was the easy part, i just claimed to be freinds with kevin davis who i knew brad hated and claimed i was going to his house to hang out. as a result i had 3 to 5 hours on weekdays to pull jobs plus 7 to 8 hours on weekends. an if you are planning on bringing morals into this such as god will get you for this? that only works if you believe in god. 10,000 children a day die in africa due to no food, what did those 3,650,000 kids a year do to piss god off enough to have him kill them in such a way? if god is ALL POWERFUL none of them would be dead. what about all the babies that die of sudden infant death syndrome also known as s.i.d.s. what did a 6 month old baby do to piss off god enough to murder them? heck they can't even walk yet but GOD said o.k. you die. god was only created to keep people in line and as a way to rip them off." stated randy to his shocked parents who were amazed at how easy they were fooled about everything when it came to randy.

"but, but, you go to church every sunday?" sputtered jill.

"of course i do, i have to keep up the good son bit don't i? plus a always rip off the collection plate by putting in a dollar and taking 2 twenties out. an old folks homes, soup kitchens it all added up to me never getting caught and having perfect reasons to be gone for long hours without question. heck most of the times i claimed i was there i was out pulling jobs." stated randy who could not believe how easy it was to fool his parents.

"YOUR GONNA GIVE BACK EVERY BIT OF THAT MONEY!" yelled tim not really caring if he got locked up.

"THE HELL I WILL. THAT'S 3.6 MILLION DOLLARS. I EARNED THAT MONEY." responded randy to his father.

"you either figure out a way to give it back or our next trip is to the police?" threatened jill to her son.

"go to the cops. statuete of limitations, they have 18 months to charge me from when the crime happened an my last job was 2 years ago. so the cops can not do a thing." proudly proclaimed randy to his parents.

"mr. and mrs taylor i will PERSONALLY see to it that randy gives the money to a charity, every last cent." stated bill to the taylors while giving randy a look that said SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PLAY ALONG I HAVE A PLAN FOOL.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" questioned tim to the man he had totally forgot was in the room.

"my name is bill and i am your sons last mark. your son tried to pick my pocket and since my money was in my front pocket it made it a bit harder. when i caught him with his hand in my pocket i told him he better be reaching to play with my family jewals or i was gonna break his arm. i then turned around an got a look at how good looking he was an told him i would not call the cops then and there if he went on a date with me. one date led to a second which led to a third and now we are lovers who have been together for 2 years. but that has nothing to do with anything right now. you want him to give the money back an i can tell you right now i will make sure he gives every bit of it to charity." stated bill to the taylor parents while giving randy a quick look saying i know what i am doing.

"an how do we know your word is any good? you just told us you were his boyfreind so why would you not lie for him?" questioned tim to the stranger.

"simple, i am worth 257 million dollars 3.5 million is pocket change to me." says bill as he pulls out a roll of cash from his pocket big enough to choke a horse an looked as if it was at least 25,000 dollars.

"you have one month an that's it. if i do not have proof the money has been given to charity then you can kiss your family goodbye. do you understand me?" inquired tim of randy.

"yes i understand." responded randy an with that his parents left.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM GIVING THE MONEY AWAY, LIKE HELL I AM!" ranted randy.

"calm down, your parents just want the kid they think you have been back. so we create a charity called feed the starving of india or whatever. then you get named a head of that charity an when you give the money to the charity you give yourself a half million dollar a year paycheck. so as a result you get your money back plus your charity can do some good. an come tax time you get a refund for nearly whole 3.5 million you donated and when you add in the money for being head of the charity your more then even. an then you redonate it so you can get a new half million dollar paycheck next year. an you can keep this going for the next 30, 40, even 50 years or more. plus i already have a charity that does this so if i name you as one of the heads of my charity an you do the same we can pull 1 million bucks a year from each of these charities plus mommy and daddy are happy they got their baby boy back, everyone wins. you have been able to fool them this long so just think of this as a new part in the same con the repentent son role instead of the good son role." stated bill to the now very happy randy who was glad he was in fact NOT going to lose his money, plus he gets to outsmart his parents yet again.

"ah what they really want are grandkids, yeah right, all night screaming, projectile vomiting, nuclear diapers, an of course they are not happy with you just having one. they think the baby should have a little brother or sister. an then of course your brain is so screwed due to lack of sleep you figure we survived two so why not a third an before you know it you are having number 4 and 5, an your so brain dead stupid by then that it really does not matter." spouted randy who was sure the idea of kids was out.

"but parents LOVE to be grandparents because they get to get away with stuff like filling the kids with sweets and sending them home to mommy and daddy. which is the same thing your grandparents had happen to them with your parents, so it is just a bit of payback. yep grandma and grandpa filled you with sweets and sent you home to mommy and daddy so this is just payback plain and simple. but lucky for us we are not having kids unless we adopt. oh and lets not forget they clean out your bank account wanting everything they see, an just about the time they get old enough to have fun hanging out with you they do not want to be seen with you unless it involves you buying them something that costs a lot of money." said bill glad he and randy both were against kids, seeing as that is one way to totally screw up a couple namely one in favor and one against the idea of kids.

"see now sweetheart, if you had been an adult when you decided to start your life of crime like i was you could have just bought fake i.d.'s and started sending away for credit cards, then maxed them all out at the A.T.M. then moved on to new names and and new credit cards. but pick pocket is a great life for an 11 year old looking to start a life of crime. an it does not matter to me that you never pulled in 5,000 or more dollars a day in credit card fraud or that you are not worth 100 million. i still think your great in bed an that is what really counts, since no amount of money can turn a thirty second man into a 3 hour lover like you. an of course you can write a book and make more money were as i would have to worry about federal charges for things like identity theft and fraud." stated bill who was glad every day randy decided to try to pick his pocket. 


End file.
